Saturday, November 13, 2004

Happiness

A friend of mine was in a loving relationship for 3 years. 2 of them good.

On Wednesday she found a new little flame. I met him; he’s actually quite lovely and very funny. Wasn’t that much to observe at first, but really great things come in unassuming packages.

She told me how wonderful her Wednesday night was—not only was it caring and beautiful and warm, but it was her birthday, too.

A little part of me died when I heard the news, of course—most happiness that happens to my friends has that effect on me.

I wonder why that is. Of course I was happy that such good fortune befell her; what kind of friend would I be were I not? But there was a certain sadness, too—mostly due to jealousy and comparison stuff, which of course I know I shouldn’t do, but hey—where’s mine?

Yeah. Where is mine. I’ve been on oodles of dates since my last relationship FOUR YEARS AGO, but nothing has stuck.

While I understand that its OK to be on my own—indeed, I’ve become happier and happier on my own, I do get envious of other people who just seem to magically have it all.

That brings about the inevitable comparison, which inevitably leaves me feeling empty.

Oh well. One day.

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