Monday, May 09, 2005

Vegas, New York, Shit Food, and Sex.

Well, a billion and 50 things have happened in the past few weeks.

I went to Vegas which was oddly amusing and quite fun. Spent most of the time out of it; went to the Grand Canyon, flying in by mini plane, which was cool; went to Hoover dam, which was oddly beautiful and I really liked the art deco bathrooms very much; Red Rock Canyon, which though it paled in comparison to Valley of Fire was very nice; Mount Zion, which was stunningly beautiful; and then lastly Valley of Fire which was pretty.

There were 2 amusing girls with me the first few days. Their favorite words were Bitch and Cunt. Kinda scary, if you think about it; they enjoyed hollering it as loudly as possible at each other and at all and sundry. Spoiled little brats. But hey, I’m sure they were trying as hard as possible to be charming, interesting, and amusing; when people don’t know they don’t know, how can one expect them to do differently?

Had a great time with Big Daddy M and Big Daddy H. Big Mommy T was great, too. Big Mommy K was awesome; she had a bunch of nerve pills with her at all times. I love her.

On April 30th, I finally did it with TB. 3 hours of make out; then lasted 1 min. At least it was some. I’ll just tolerate it. Very enthusiastic, so I guess that earns some pernts.

Went to New York last week to do training of our new hires. It went well; there were some great people in the class; one in WC who is going to rock out and make a great contribution to the company. Some of the TSs who were there did better than the CSs who were actually in employ for the training. The CS on my team was quite a challenge. Very slow; very arrogant, very “everything else is wrong except me.” So I was not impressed at all. Will have to talk with TL about it. But the other ones were fine. Skookeehsa and Waquisha were a little bit annoying, but they were fine for the type.

Had a great time with Delicious and Mel and Matt. Delicious tried to run me ragged and wants me v v much to move to Manhattan. I like it there. I really do. It’s so nice to be free of the stupidity of Chicago. Chicago requires a car, but also requires public transport. Chicago is racist, Chicago is composed of boring people whose U-Hauls took them from Pork Jaw Minnesota (or the legend of “Downtown Minneapolis”) and downloaded on North Michigan and suddenly these glamour pusses believe they’ve made it. Nope. Sorry; that doesn’t count. Wandering around NY felt so good; I never got the inkling that someone was staring at me begging and gagging to ask, “WHAT ARE YOU?” with the implicit follow up statement: “BECAUSE I’M IGNORANCE FROM THE MIDWEST.”

It’s as if people there know how to behave. Maybe the hugeness of the city has dwarfed their desires to be retarded. Whatever the reason, I am glad that it does. Chicago has three types of people; white, black, and when people get bored with that dichotomy, they consider Hispanics. That’s it.

Chicago is Kate Spade; New York is Prada.

Delicious took me to MOMA which was great. We also went to Cinqo de Lesbo which was the final straw for me; I was WO’ OUT!!!! I had to teach all day solid non-stop on Monday and Tuesday and ½ of Weds, plus be a supporting cast on Th and F. So no wonder at midnight on Th I had to go home! Mel and Matt were fun in Brooklyn; from them I’ve gotten some ideas about moving.

I should be getting an offer today or tomorrow. We will see.

A woman from hell who moved to NY came back to Chicago mostly because she couldn’t handle that people looked different. Catholics.

Went to the MOST GOD AWFUL PARTY on Sat night. It was a wedding shower rife with promise. The hostess was a graduate of culinary school.

The problem must have been that she received a blow to the head and became stupid.

Or, the problem was that everyone there was either poor and smelly (thus had no idea what actual food looked like) or they were from Michigan (see previous) so that might have been it.

Had I not been so enormously well-bred, and been to all the best restaurants and hotels in the world, perhaps I’d be fine.

Let’s begin.

The journey took 2 hours with the CTA to go 5 miles. FUCKING CHICAGO SUCKS. (Ooops.) Anyway, got there, the food was being put away.

Culinary delights include:

1. Room temperature white wine.
2. Served in plastic port glasses
3. With the bottoms continually falling off.
4. Imitation crab meat.
5. Served in dessert fillo pasty shells
6. Combining sweet yick with goopy trash. Delish.
7. Stuffed mushroom caps
8. Filled with crap
9. But not much of it; the mushroom caps were button mushrooms, so not much could get into them anyway. Fucking Ghetto.
10. There was “Gruyere en bread.” EN?!?!?!?! The bread was ghetto bread; it was Pillsbury Dough wrap shell shit or whatever. AND the Gruyere, being not a melting cheese, was revolting.
11. The cheese plate was a saving grace and the only thing I could eat; a mild (pity) Chevre, a Brie, a Gouda, and some hideous German (shocking) thing.
12. No crackers.
13. Not a single fucking cracker. Who goes to the store and thinks, “Gee, I’ll get Cheese And…And…And….hmmm…that’s a phrase, isn’t it? Let’s see…Cheese And…WARM WHITE WINE.”
14. Said cheese was put on a small dipped plate with no way to cut the cheese.
15. Meaning, no knife.
16. So I asked for a knife and got a BONING KNIFE.
17. AND NO ICE CUBES FOR MY SCOTCH.
18. GHETTO.
and the people there were amazingly impressed.

Anyway. So now I go to work and see what’s happenin’ at the office. :)
More later!

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