Thursday, December 15, 2005

Friend or Foe?

It can be hard sometimes being friends with people when your illusions are shattered. 
But then you just have to set about redefining things, I guess. 
Like when someone is a hypocrite for touting the advantages of being single while desperately seeking and clinging to any man available.  Without any realization that it's being done.  Or resting securely in the denial that enables it to be done. 
Specifically feeling betrayed.  I hate that feeling.  Hypocrisy leads to betrayl, not only of everyone else, but of one's own expectations.  And that's sad.
I value independence more than many things.  The only thing--the one and only thing--I hate about being single is getting ferociously ill.  When you're so sick you can't get out of bed.  I hate being that sick and being single.  Mostly because I lose my independence and have to rely on other people.
So there we go.  And I can't say anything about it.  You can't tell these things to a therapist.  But you can to a blog, oddly enough.
Bad manners.  I am continually tortured by the bad manners new money gaucheness of a particular friend of mine whose behaviour is slowing transforming the spouse.  We're talking inhaling food as soon as it arrives without thought for others.  We're talking buying designer things without regard for anything but the label. 
I expect more from this friend.  This friend can do more.  But won't.  And that's OK.  I have to learn to deal with it.
These are the two thorns in the side of my friendship at the moment.  Things will be fine and recycle for later.  But that's OK.
Anyway, I have an hour until old death and oblivion.  So I will watch more Auntie Mame and feel better.


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